A less furry panda-zombie lookalike
Finally, I can sit down and take a break. As I'm sitting here typing, I'm also munching the pack of tomato-flavoured Mister Potato chips I opened 5 days ago. Usually, it only takes like 15 minutes for me to finish the bag of chips in front of the idiot box. But I've been keeping this freaking one for 5 days and I'm like, "OMG, I really have been that busy and to the point I stress myself out." Why do I say that? Because my tummy is like f**king flat like the iron board within 5 days because I'm too stressed to even feel the hunger. Don't worry, I'm feeling better now which means I can now stuff food into myself like normal again. I had some biscuits and maggi too before popping those chips into my mouth.
So, I still can't believe that it's another Friday night with Monday seems like yesterday to me. Weekend is here again and I can foresee me going through the shitty Sat and Sun again. It has been a tortured week for me. Not busy, hectic or crazy but tortured. I hardly get enough sleep. Like only 4-6 hours per day and split into 2 sessions. Most of the time, I have been up, digging for scholar journals to support my reseach model and hypotheses. My eyes are ready to pop out anytime soon. I might look like a panda-zombie with eyebags that are huge enough to fit the clothes from my entire wardrobe but really, I don't care at this moment. I'm not even bothered to look myself into the mirror. All that I can think of is how to finish this f**king thing asap.
It's really frustrated because what I've done has been rejected for 3 f**king times. To make things worse, I've almost finished writing my thesis for the introduction and literature review part. It took me like 3 weeks to write only that. After that I was told to decide on one dependant variable to make things easy. That means, most of the things have to be altered and have to start to do another literature review again to justify my claim. Up till now, I think 80% of my initial things have been changed. And literature review is quite a vomit-blood task to do. Not like you can do it in 1 or 2 days. No such thing.
I've been bombarded with so many questions since Monday and most of the time, I was dumbfounded. I knew everything was there but I couldn't form words to justify my case. Like everything has been frozen. My brain, my mouth, my throat. I couldn't think at all. The same thing repeated on Tuesday. But I'm glad in a way. At least now, I do understand certain things I used to have no idea at all. They pointed out my mistakes which allowed a clearer picture. Everything starts to make sense to me right now. They should have done this earlier instead of asking me to swim in the sea by myself. At least, tell me I should swim towards north, south, west or east and then point me the direction to it.
Research is very subjective. Unlike doing programming, you get a book, understand the flow and start coding. No, you can't learn a research from a book. To me, it is a trial-and-error process. Do something, experience it, realise where is the mistake and make it correct. How do you expect me to do something I have no knowledge about and at the same time I can't obtain the knowledge through books? This is the kind of frustration I'm going through. I do no not know where to seek help as other people have their own things to busy and I can't bug them for help because they don't think it's their responsible to help me that much.
But today I'm touched. As I was sitting at the stairs, waiting alone with my almost empty stomach, a good person came over and asked how I was doing. I briefly told him about my situation and he immediately offered his help without any condition. I was really surprised but I told him I've found my solution. If only I have met him 3 days ago, I wouldn't have been that miserable. Still, he offered to help and told me I might need the info else I can just discard it. I told him I'd check how the other side is going on and let him know next week. It prompted to me think. Why is the one sitting on top, bugging you everyday to get it done, knowing so many contacts, directly responsible, do not even offer you that kind of help? And this fella here who has no responsible at all towards me is willing to offer me his hand? I do not know him personally and he hasn't taught me in any subject before. And you know what? I'm not even his kind and he's willing to help me out. I'm really touched but at the same time, deep down inside me, I've lost my respect to certain ones.
I used to hear things fairly about him from my ex-roomie. You know how certain macha can be very cocky especially they are an expert. Surpringly, he's not. I believe, he is a good lecturer, a lecturer that is committed, willing to help any student out there without thinking about the trouble he has to go through. To him, that might not even trouble but merely a helping hand. Some people might view picking up the telephone, making a simple phone call, and then pass some papers around is like a f**king troublesome and simply bring no benefits to them. Menyusahkan, merugikan dan langsung tidak beruntung.
Anyway, research is really a long process and if i wanted all these fuss and mess, I could have stood by my full-research instead of shifting to coursework. It's merely a project with 6 credit hours and now my so-called project has been modified similar to a full-research. But i guess, I just can't rush because another classmate who should have finished earlier also couldn't make it on time. Validation of measures and data analysis also take like perhaps 1 month to do. And unlike your fyp, you just can't f**king cook things up to finish writing a thesis in a week. You need bloody solid proof and citation for each statement you write. No ahtu, ahbeng, ahkao, ahmad, ramli, raju, muthu. Those are invalid.
Well, it's extension I guess. Gosh, then I have to answer my dad. *blows bubble with saliva*
Hmmm...toodles for now~
So, I still can't believe that it's another Friday night with Monday seems like yesterday to me. Weekend is here again and I can foresee me going through the shitty Sat and Sun again. It has been a tortured week for me. Not busy, hectic or crazy but tortured. I hardly get enough sleep. Like only 4-6 hours per day and split into 2 sessions. Most of the time, I have been up, digging for scholar journals to support my reseach model and hypotheses. My eyes are ready to pop out anytime soon. I might look like a panda-zombie with eyebags that are huge enough to fit the clothes from my entire wardrobe but really, I don't care at this moment. I'm not even bothered to look myself into the mirror. All that I can think of is how to finish this f**king thing asap.
It's really frustrated because what I've done has been rejected for 3 f**king times. To make things worse, I've almost finished writing my thesis for the introduction and literature review part. It took me like 3 weeks to write only that. After that I was told to decide on one dependant variable to make things easy. That means, most of the things have to be altered and have to start to do another literature review again to justify my claim. Up till now, I think 80% of my initial things have been changed. And literature review is quite a vomit-blood task to do. Not like you can do it in 1 or 2 days. No such thing.
I've been bombarded with so many questions since Monday and most of the time, I was dumbfounded. I knew everything was there but I couldn't form words to justify my case. Like everything has been frozen. My brain, my mouth, my throat. I couldn't think at all. The same thing repeated on Tuesday. But I'm glad in a way. At least now, I do understand certain things I used to have no idea at all. They pointed out my mistakes which allowed a clearer picture. Everything starts to make sense to me right now. They should have done this earlier instead of asking me to swim in the sea by myself. At least, tell me I should swim towards north, south, west or east and then point me the direction to it.
Research is very subjective. Unlike doing programming, you get a book, understand the flow and start coding. No, you can't learn a research from a book. To me, it is a trial-and-error process. Do something, experience it, realise where is the mistake and make it correct. How do you expect me to do something I have no knowledge about and at the same time I can't obtain the knowledge through books? This is the kind of frustration I'm going through. I do no not know where to seek help as other people have their own things to busy and I can't bug them for help because they don't think it's their responsible to help me that much.
But today I'm touched. As I was sitting at the stairs, waiting alone with my almost empty stomach, a good person came over and asked how I was doing. I briefly told him about my situation and he immediately offered his help without any condition. I was really surprised but I told him I've found my solution. If only I have met him 3 days ago, I wouldn't have been that miserable. Still, he offered to help and told me I might need the info else I can just discard it. I told him I'd check how the other side is going on and let him know next week. It prompted to me think. Why is the one sitting on top, bugging you everyday to get it done, knowing so many contacts, directly responsible, do not even offer you that kind of help? And this fella here who has no responsible at all towards me is willing to offer me his hand? I do not know him personally and he hasn't taught me in any subject before. And you know what? I'm not even his kind and he's willing to help me out. I'm really touched but at the same time, deep down inside me, I've lost my respect to certain ones.
I used to hear things fairly about him from my ex-roomie. You know how certain macha can be very cocky especially they are an expert. Surpringly, he's not. I believe, he is a good lecturer, a lecturer that is committed, willing to help any student out there without thinking about the trouble he has to go through. To him, that might not even trouble but merely a helping hand. Some people might view picking up the telephone, making a simple phone call, and then pass some papers around is like a f**king troublesome and simply bring no benefits to them. Menyusahkan, merugikan dan langsung tidak beruntung.
Anyway, research is really a long process and if i wanted all these fuss and mess, I could have stood by my full-research instead of shifting to coursework. It's merely a project with 6 credit hours and now my so-called project has been modified similar to a full-research. But i guess, I just can't rush because another classmate who should have finished earlier also couldn't make it on time. Validation of measures and data analysis also take like perhaps 1 month to do. And unlike your fyp, you just can't f**king cook things up to finish writing a thesis in a week. You need bloody solid proof and citation for each statement you write. No ahtu, ahbeng, ahkao, ahmad, ramli, raju, muthu. Those are invalid.
Well, it's extension I guess. Gosh, then I have to answer my dad. *blows bubble with saliva*
Hmmm...toodles for now~
Love,
Purple Rose
