Pause
I haven't been blogging for a while. I really couldn't find the time to do so. Many things had happened lately. At one point, my heart ached like hell. I needed to go slow. Slow down to a halt, perhaps. Pressing the pause button sounded like a good idea to me for the moment.
What would you do when your bro told you that someone at home was critically ill?
What would you do when he said that he had put that family member into sleep and basically was in a coma status?
What would you do when he was asking you to take leave and go home but you couldn't?
I tried so hard to keep my mind straight. I was far from home. I was somewhere else to finish up my task. I kept myself cool, preparing for the worst. But i would be so guilty for the rest of my life if anything was to happen. I did shed some tears while I was alone doing some serious thoughts. I totally did not have the control over those tears as they rolled down my cheeks just like that without a single warning. But I definitely DID NOT cry until my eyes swollen like 2 big red gum balls or with mucus came drooling out from my nose. And the good thing was, i really couldn't remember when was the last time that happened to me.
Three weeks ago, I was in Pahang at a remote plant site finishing up my final task. Yes, FINAL it was. I've wanted to quit my job earlier (Yes, i've quitted my job already! :D) but I was the one responsible for that particular system and I've figured out that I should implement it before I left. That was when all the problems came in. I was stuck there, I couldn't go home, gotta deal with stupid servers (servers are real stupid i tell you) and got a bunch of end-users requests. Wtf? I wasn't the one in charged. I came to do what i was supposed to do. Anything you want to be upgraded, repaired or changed, speak to my boss, NOT ME! But guess what? I am not a N+O=NO person. damnit. Troubleshoot, troubleshoot, troubleshoot and i really felt like shooting ppl. Those bloody PCs were like from the past decades. No CD-Rom, imagine that. How am i suppose to re-install your bloody corrupted software? Running up and down to server room and shared the damn thing. spell f.r.u.s.t.r.a.t.e.d together with me, pls.
After everything was done, i called it a day. And that was the time i called my superior and gave a 24-hour notication. Cool, heh? Da.da.da.yada.yada.yada. Insisted i needed to give one month notice. (Look, fudge head. I have an emergency at home.) Anyway, with all the bLarHs and bLarPs, I got off but without my one-week October pay. (As long as they are willing to release me, who cares?) I was totally fine with that plus I wasn't waiting for that one-week pay to survive. Besides, i've got a 2-night stay at a local hotel for free and met some nice ppl at the plant site with them treating me meals. Anyway, now I'm a programmer NO MORE!
My pa left the decision to me. Up to you were the 3 words he mentioned. I knew he was unhappy with my decision. I just knew it. Older generation doesn't seem to like any changes. Being a job trotter would make him feel that his daughter might not be a loyal person including other negative impression. Gosh, i didn't like that feeling at all, not a single tiny bit. But this is today's trend and i have to go on with that. I have a strong reason to leave but not visible to outsiders. I am able to make my decision right now and i think i've done a correct one. After all, it is my life, right? I need a comfort zone. Whether I'm attached to a new job or not, that shall remain as a question or probably mystery. For the mean time, anyone looking for a part-time maid?
What would you do when your bro told you that someone at home was critically ill?
What would you do when he said that he had put that family member into sleep and basically was in a coma status?
What would you do when he was asking you to take leave and go home but you couldn't?
I tried so hard to keep my mind straight. I was far from home. I was somewhere else to finish up my task. I kept myself cool, preparing for the worst. But i would be so guilty for the rest of my life if anything was to happen. I did shed some tears while I was alone doing some serious thoughts. I totally did not have the control over those tears as they rolled down my cheeks just like that without a single warning. But I definitely DID NOT cry until my eyes swollen like 2 big red gum balls or with mucus came drooling out from my nose. And the good thing was, i really couldn't remember when was the last time that happened to me.
Three weeks ago, I was in Pahang at a remote plant site finishing up my final task. Yes, FINAL it was. I've wanted to quit my job earlier (Yes, i've quitted my job already! :D) but I was the one responsible for that particular system and I've figured out that I should implement it before I left. That was when all the problems came in. I was stuck there, I couldn't go home, gotta deal with stupid servers (servers are real stupid i tell you) and got a bunch of end-users requests. Wtf? I wasn't the one in charged. I came to do what i was supposed to do. Anything you want to be upgraded, repaired or changed, speak to my boss, NOT ME! But guess what? I am not a N+O=NO person. damnit. Troubleshoot, troubleshoot, troubleshoot and i really felt like shooting ppl. Those bloody PCs were like from the past decades. No CD-Rom, imagine that. How am i suppose to re-install your bloody corrupted software? Running up and down to server room and shared the damn thing. spell f.r.u.s.t.r.a.t.e.d together with me, pls.
After everything was done, i called it a day. And that was the time i called my superior and gave a 24-hour notication. Cool, heh? Da.da.da.yada.yada.yada. Insisted i needed to give one month notice. (Look, fudge head. I have an emergency at home.) Anyway, with all the bLarHs and bLarPs, I got off but without my one-week October pay. (As long as they are willing to release me, who cares?) I was totally fine with that plus I wasn't waiting for that one-week pay to survive. Besides, i've got a 2-night stay at a local hotel for free and met some nice ppl at the plant site with them treating me meals. Anyway, now I'm a programmer NO MORE!
My pa left the decision to me. Up to you were the 3 words he mentioned. I knew he was unhappy with my decision. I just knew it. Older generation doesn't seem to like any changes. Being a job trotter would make him feel that his daughter might not be a loyal person including other negative impression. Gosh, i didn't like that feeling at all, not a single tiny bit. But this is today's trend and i have to go on with that. I have a strong reason to leave but not visible to outsiders. I am able to make my decision right now and i think i've done a correct one. After all, it is my life, right? I need a comfort zone. Whether I'm attached to a new job or not, that shall remain as a question or probably mystery. For the mean time, anyone looking for a part-time maid?
Btw, taking this opportunity to thank someone. YOU should be reading this. Those "purples" were really beautiful. You don't have to do this, you know. Plus, it must be hard for you to walk into that "shop", rite? I love and cherish every single thing you give me. Just to note, it wasn't as perfect to what i wanted yet. Sorry to break this to you. 433, k? =)
Love,
Purple Rose
